dissapointed.

see this is why i cant have a blog.
i get so lethargic with my posting.

but umm i finally got my b-day cake.
ash baked it for me.
she also just informed me her brother ate the ice cream that i bought to eat with the cake.
speaking of her bro, not only is he an asshole but he's also an idiot.
im too lazy/tired to go into what happened.
just know that i saw his g.f and he got scared.
my away message says " you're the type of guy that would tell on yourself and i find it fucking hilarious.
i only say this cuz his actions lead me to assume so.
but thats enuff of him.


by telling my best friend i got my bday cake.
i managed to ruin a surprise my boys had for me.
and i've been real bummed abt that lately.
for the past 2 yrs i've done something with my boys for my bday.
and i was looking forward to it for this yr but apparently it wont happen.
my mood lately has just been real ehhh in general.

my mom is going on vaca on wednesday.
and i'm still deciding on staying home alone.
i really want to but there's like 2 fucking rapists loose in my area.
so im like a lil scared abt being alone.


but on a lighter note: joe =].

-sigh

so all in all this week basically sucked.
umm i lost my debit card like 2 days before i had to pay my phone bill.
so now my fone is off.
i asked my dad to pay it for me but of course being the cheap-o he is he only pays some of it.
this man forgets my b-day and yet cant even pay my bill
he calls me on sat the 19th mind u my bday is the 12th and he says "ure bday was yesterday"
im like no last sat he's like and i forgot..ok...and ure grandma couldnt even remind me...im like thats not her job u helped concieve me the least u can do is remember when the fuck my bday is but its cool im not stressing it i expect nothing less from my dad..its sad but thats the way it is.d
tmobile annoys me, my dad annoys, actually everyone annoyed me this week.
and i dont think next week is going to be any better.
its too hot to function or even think.

i cant even write this blog cuz all i keep thinking abt is going to lay down.
which is exactly what im gonna do.

refreshing.

so i have this job where i teach lil kids how to play tennis.
the job itself is enjoyable and the kids are pretty ok.
just a few bad seeds.
but one of my fellow coaches is a complete HOODRAT.
she is so ghetto and has NO class abt her.
working with her has officially become annoying now.
its so bad i wanna call the office and complain abt her.
not to mention my site director is irritating and slow as hell.
but w.e i can deal with him.

i went to my cousins house today.
and on my way home we saw the homeslice deon sitting on his porch.
so after a brief conversation with him we decided to go running with him.
as much as my muscles hurt, running was so enjoyable.
i havent been in so long i really forgot how good it feels.
it was so refreshing tho, i think im going to make this a regular thing.
well im gonna try to go with deon whenever he goes running.
the weather was perfect too.
i know im going to feel it in the morning tho.
especially since as usually i didnt wear my knee warp.
but w.e it was worth it.

im off to sleeps now.

b-day weekend.

so it was my birthday on saturday.
turned 19...whoopteedoo.
newho didnt really do much.
went to soho with the big bro/bff.
picked up ash from work.
i always enjoy surprising my friends.
even on my birthday.
the bff got me my present
a pair of sneakers i wanted
i disappointed cristina cuz she had a suprise for me but i never made it to her house.
i still feel like shxt abt that.

i started off going to dinner with chris and tashae.
but then justin came to get us.
and he irritated tashae so much she ended up taking the bus home.
i dont even wanna get into that one.
b.c justin was being his usual self but tashae is the type of person who cant take a joke.
we went to applebee's and the waiter we had was a fucking idiot.
we started joking abt how she prolly sniffs coke.
i ended eating nothing but mozzarella sticks.
b.c my food came and it wasnt wat i wanted so i just had the waiter take it back.
and thats basically how sat nite ended.

today i met up with ash in soho.
picked up a pair of shorts and a shirt.
met the infamous tyrell or as she calls him tee-lynol.
the original plan was for us to go back to bk and she bake me a cake.
but we were both too tired and lethargic for that.
so we just chilled in soho for a bit.
spent like an hr in the pizza shop by her job.
i did go back with her to bk tho.
i chilled for like an hr and then came back home.
so yea thats basically how my b-day weekend went.
im not really complaining cuz i didnt expect to do anything.
and i have no problems with what i did do.


i still just feel really bad abt runining cristina's suprise.
i HAVE to make it up to her somehow.

ugh.

this is my 1st blog in a very longtime
ever since i deleted my xanga page.

this might be a long post
if not it'll def be all over the place
i have a lot of thoughts running through my head
and since idk where else to let them out im doing it here.

1st things 1st-
i continue to let my feelings get in the way of logic
by this i mean that i know he has a g.f and yet i let myself get carried away with him
it doesnt go farther than kissing but its some very intense kissing
does that make me the bad guy? =\
thing is he never came out and told me he had a gf
the last that we even spoke abt her she was his ex at the time
only reason i know they are currently back together is b.c the signs are all around me
and plus his sister told me
now thanks to him i feel like gagging everytime a.keys song "no one" comes on
i have even gone as far to delete it off my ipod and its one of my fav songs
when i think abt it i start feeling like such an idiot
b.c in the beginning i thought maybe we would eventually become something....ha, yeah right
now i'm like would i even want to pursue a relationship with him, even if the opportunity came up...i dont think i would
the only 2 ppl who know whats up tell me i need to talk to him and tell him how i feel
but part of me is like why bother?
honestly, i dont even think he cares
b.c if you could cheat(ugh i feel so eww when i call it that) on ure gf, then why would u care how the girl u cheated with feels( i never thought i would be that girl -sigh-)
and i dont feel like being bothered with him
we havent spoken since that day and i like it that way
its funny, you get mad when someone you barely knows(imo) calls you a liar
when NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE!
or as i like to put it "you just leave shxt out"
i need to keep my distance from you which hopefully wont be to hard.

part 2
school starts next month
and i have not been advised nor have i attempted to make an appt to be advised yet
why? i'm not sure if i want to go back to school i know i dont have a choice but still i dont want
i did pretty bad my 1st yr of college mainly cuz i just dont want to be there
but when i go back in august i need to get back to my old grades the shxt i brought home is COMPLETELY unacceptable and CAN NOT happen anymore
so yea i guess i shoud be making that appt ASAP.

part 3
i have this old friend who just stopped talking to me one day like back in january
it was weird like we went from talking EVERYDAY to he just stopped answering my calls and caling me
part of me thinks what triggered it is that he THINKS i lied abt recieving a text he sent me
when in actuallity i didnt and when i did get it i responded right away
i sent him a b-day card well actually i sent him 2 cards
the 1st one was letting him know how i feel
the second one was the b-day card
which at the end said p.s goodbye
i tried not to let it bother me but i couldnt but think why? what did i do?
but then i realize i didnt do ANYTHING
i was never anything but good to him...no we we're never in a relationship
it was impossible he's been in fl for like the past 2/3 yrs while i'm still in ny
so anyway he hits me up a few weeks ago letting me know his grandpa passed away
now i know how impt his grandpa was to him so i tried calling and texting numerous times i failed everytime
i sent an email which i know he got but chose not to respond to me
anyway i i.m him like yesterday
and we have a very brief convo
but he says to me "i would like to apologize to you"
i asked him why
now that why had two meanings 1) why do u want to apologize?
and 2) why did you do it?
but he signed off without answering
so now i have no idea when and if I will ever get an answer.


but im done for now
so good news is MY BRITHDAY IS ON SATURDAY!
i really want someone to bake me a cake
but i doubt it'll happen
i just hope i have fun this year
=\

p.s sorry its so long
not that anyone will read this newho